Cabbage Rolls

Instructions

The Cabbage

1. Put a head of cabbage in the microwave for 6 minutes.  
2. Cut out the core
3. Peel off cabbage leaves till you have 16.  Throw out some of the outer ones if they're nasty.  Put the leaves on a plate.  This process may burn the shit out of your hands.  Leaves aren't coming off easy?  Microwave it again.
4. Chop up a cup of the leftover cabbage for later (you'll see).

The Sauce

1.  Throw some oil or butter in a saucepan. 8 
2. Saute chopped onion, few cloves of garlic (8 if you like to stink or have vampires),  add in the chopped cabbage for a quick saute. 
3. Salt and pepper it.
4. Throw in 30 oz of tomatoes.  I used diced, then emulsion blended the whole deal.  The sauce is supposed to be smooth, but whatever.  A bit of chunk seems fine.
5.  couple T's of lemon juice or cider vinegar.
6. couple T's of brown sugar.  More if you like it sweet or if you're 5 years old.
7.  Simmer it for a bit.  Throw in some raisins at the end.  Let it cool.

The Filling

1.  Put all that filling shit in a bowl
2. Take your wedding ring off.  Wash your hands.  Get in there and mash it together with your hands
3. Form that fat mess into a ball.  Divide it into half again and again till you have 16 equal-sized delicious raw meatballs.  Roll them into cylinders.

The rolls

1. preheat oven to 350
2.  grab a big ass oven roast pan.  9x13 worked for me, but it was real tight.
3.  put half the sauce on the bottom of pan
4.  grab a cabbage leaf.  If the vein is too thick, cut it out or shave it down.
5.  put meat cylinder in bottom of leaf, roll it up like a burrito, fold in the sides, etc.
6.  do that 16 times, pack the rolls into the pan.
7. spread the rest of sauce over the rolls.
8.  cover with foil
9. cook for 2 hrs